Infinite & Limitless


12th May – Request

This entry is a little closer home as it’s a more personal matter that should be talked about openly in the journal and it sure as hell bothers me enormously. It’s honestly just an annoying problem that won’t seem to go away no matter what is done and my god fixing it certainly has been attempted a million times.

My family keep asking me for money, for this, for that. It’s always costs, bills or expenses that are completely unnecessary and could be completely removed. Then when it’s obviously declined for that reason as well a logical reason why a huge argument starts over the conflicting mindsets and sometimes it’s better to just not reply. Years have been spent trying to explain they could get rid of these problems by doing some simple things but being ignored completely is the thing… it always happens and each time it results in loosing something.  

It is a massive on-going issue and it’s at a point where you’ve got to think… is this all they want, is it worth the time, effort and energy, should I just forget move on and throw a middle finger up? It is tempting to just block and delete them from my life like all the other negative people that have come and gone. It’s not like they do anything to help themselves either which enrages me further. My brother refuses to work any job and has spent the last… umm… seven years in front of a pc screen doing nothing. Whenever an ounce of responsibility is expected of him all hell breaks loose and I mean crazy shit that is just not right, honestly it’s weird. My mother allows this and does not do anything about it. Trying to do anything about myself just results in failure and when confronting them it gets all defensive and weird. It isn’t normal. At my brothers age the only thing on my mind was slaving sixteen hours a day in some piece of shit back end job to make a difference… all day… every day. No matter how hard or long it got. My friends have asked about this too because they have noticed, is it that obvious? It’s weird talking about it because it does show some serious pent up rage about it. It’s difficult to let it go… Maybe I care too much. Given my views on this people have often judged me in the wrong light and assumed things about me based on pure speculation but they could never understand it unless they experience it for themselves.

The relationship with my family is tense at best because of all of this and it has been like it for about a decade… This huge mindset difference always results in conflictions that again could be completely avoided. It holds them back so much but they don’t realise it. We have been growing ever more distant over the years and it’s pretty bad to say but I’m slowly beginning to stop caring. The last three months I’ve had little contact and it’s been a relief not having to listen to bullshit caused for no reason. Me and my brother have nothing in common besides an interest in some video games. We have never gone out, never travelled anywhere and never done the same hobbies or anything else for that matter. I wish it were different and I really have tried. Any days out or whatever always result in me having to pay for everything then I get shit for not giving money to them.

The fuck?

Sound Territory – Liquid Drum and Bass Mix #119


11th May – Quick Update

Who goes there, friend or foe?

Alright, so it’s been quite some time since the last entry and much has happened in the last three months. One can only apologise for the massive lack of journaling that’s not been going on here. It’s simply down to the chaotic nature of things that have transpired. Everyday has been different and the extremity has been at both ends of the spectrum. After all that has happened all that is on my mind is taking a break, relaxing, unwinding and chilling out. You know, really taking it easy and thinking about what happens next along this journey. One prominent issue now is the acquisition of a large amount of free time. Wandering what to fill this time up with is difficult. Travelling to China, Thailand and Vietnam seem like a good idea and I’m sure the experience would be fantastic. Trading full time is also rather tempting as focus could be at a hundred per cent and there wouldn’t be an issue with sleeping times but sitting in front of the screens all day while more fun and active things could be done at the moment feels like it’s not a good idea as the weather is great. It’s sure a warm evening and instead of typing away at this it would be better to head somewhere, get some food and maybe even crack open a tinny. Going to the gym and focusing on fitness is definitely on my list of things to do as there is literally years of fitness to catch up on. Weights are great.

Coming to Japan seems to have unsettled some people back ‘home’ for some reason. I can surely guess why but mentioning it may not be a good idea simply to keep the peace.


Actually, who cares after what’s happened let’s tear them up. The experience of Japan has been mixed with some good and some bad things happening, it’s an experience and it has been very educational in all sorts of ways. Like I said, everyday has been different. It’s had moments of joy, fun and happiness and moments of anger, rage and sadness. Only a select handful of people know my exact whereabouts, what I’m up to, why, how and all that. Information about my personal life is kept private for obvious reasons. However and it’s a big however… some people love to gossip, some people love to dig up information about me then twist it, spread it and well… it’s straight up talking behind your back isn’t it. It’s horseshit. For years I’ve known there has been a leak and someone keeps passing along sensitive information about me to some undesirables I really take a strong distaste too. There has been much suspicion but I could never work out who it was until now. These undesirables have caused me tremendous stress and it’s at a point where you could consider it harassment, abuse and if I was a pansy ass, bullying. It’s a real shame not one of them has the balls to talk to me face to face about it. They’d probably get hit. Maybe they are afraid of a confrontation because I’ll tell them how it is, as truthful as it gets and it’s very clear these specific individuals don’t like to hear it. A life of denial caused by negativity and jealously.

That incident last year with some of my financial information getting out was very stressful. You would think that someone in a higher position, someone of respectable managerial qualities, someone who apparently is professional would not openly disclose this information for fucks sake. In some cases this could work in your favour, professionally. If the upper levels of management are positive minded. Anyway this information spread to these specific individuals and they had to nerve to come up to me to ask about it! I’m completely fine with people asking me how and why in a way which they can learn from but these particular people are malicious and deserve nothing but a bust in the mouth. They don’t care for trying to understand or learn only that if it benefits them they will do whatever they can to get their claws into a piece of it. You know, those type that only talk to you when they want something, talk negative about other people behind their back but never talk to you normally. I utterly despise these people. What annoyed me the most about it is how they were all buddy friendly when they found out the more sensitive part of that information. There is only one thing to say to those people. Fuck off. The person that disclosed this information was not a friend so it didn’t really hurt personally but professionally they could never be trusted again. They are long gone.

I wanted to believe that some of my closely trusted friends would never divulge information that was confided in them. You know, trusted stuff, really good friendship level things. Luckily there are little birdies in all sorts of places just as precaution as it kept happening and one of them tipped me off. A favour for a favour. It was only until directly lying to the suspected person about something particularly extra sensitive to see if that was spread it was revealed too me. It took about a week for it to circulate and it came back to me as clear as day. It turns out this person does indeed speak with the specific individuals referred to in the previous paragraph and it’s those that love to spread shit around. Give a monkey a piece of shit and it will be thrown around. It’s safe to say that they are now long gone too. There goes a ‘friend’ of twenty five years. It seems harsh but this has been going on for years. Allot more things make sense now I know it’s them. That’s when the sudden realisation that they only ever contacted me when they have wanted something, never to hang out or just talk. Hell I could even post the chat logs and texts to show it… Also it’s obvious to see that because of this mind set they have and the love to spread information about me the decisions this fuckwit makes are never really thought about. Instant gratification before anything else. It’s difficult to explain but a good phrase is ‘never trust someone who’s TV is bigger than their bookshelf’. That sums that person up nicely. Seems cliché talking about them so I’ll stop; enough tearing for now. Reminds me of that entry entirely dedicated to ripping these people apart last year.It’s like the final filter of bullshit has been placed and things can now move forward.

This could be the first reference in the journal about this. After what happened in Switzerland a few years back my mission once the breakdown and depression had passed was to make sure life was good, filled with happiness, filled with contentment and peace. It must be filled with amazing people and experiences that echo for many years to come. All the negativity, all the fears, all the shit had to go. All the people and all of the things that cause these things must go too. It must be purged from your life. Never give a crap what people think of you unless it’s the people you care about or genuinely care about you. Always stand up for what is right and defend yourself with neutral logic and reason. In the grand scheme of things people will take your side because it’s the right thing to do. Even with all the crap that has happened these last few years they have been the best. Switching your mind set out for a brand new positive one reflects in your daily life on all levels. This journal has helped considerably even though many entries will never see the light of day but perhaps in time. Getting this shit out feels great.

Time for coffee and to turn up the music. What next… hmmmm

Besides chasing up some legal people this week I’ve decided to start back dating my Instagram page with photos from over the years but it’s a task that could potentially never be completed. The sheer quantity of photos taken over however old I am is insane cause I’m old apparently! There is literally hundreds of thousands of photos… it took four days to transfer just the photo album across from the backup drives. It is many terabytes big. Taking photos and videos is awesome. Photography and filming stuff is a big interest of mine but carrying a huge camera around everywhere is not my idea of convenient. GoPro have been my go to choice for many things and that is always in the backpack whenever there is some travelling or sightseeing happening. It’s even ready for day to day shit like taking photos of cats or epic food angles. Phone tech is advancing and cameras are getting very good, it will be super interesting to see how far it can go but of course nothing beats a super high res shot from a big cam. Feel like Prompto from Final Fantasy XV! ‘Woohoo, bath time!’ There is a weird vibe about that character but let’s look at it… he has guns, he travels around shooting shit, he looks like Cloud and he is obviously knobbing Cindy… he has great taste and he knows it *laughs*. I’ve just started playing this properly and while it did not appeal to me at all the game has grown on me considerably. Another win for Squaresoft, enix, whatever they are called in the Final Fantasy department! Think I’ll give it an hour or two later on this evening. Might look at digital cameras again. I really want a cup noodles with the finest and freshest of ingredients. Have you ever picked up some fresh ingredients to mix in with it and then fried the noodles after it’s boiled? Omg, it will make your mind melt! A bit like Cin… Anyway. Only the finest and freshest of ingredients HA!  – Boom!

This entry is going to all sorts of different places today but it’s time to cut it short. It’s perfect weather outside and it’s gym time. Bring on the pain!  Time to get eight feet massive. What?



11th May – First News 'Rip Into' Entry

This is my first online news article ‘rip into’ entry so please bear with me as my structure for tearing these things apart is a little sketchy, normally it’s just a case of telling these articles to f**k off. Now politics in the UK is a very touchy subject for everyone and people fly off into a rage when they are unable to respect an opinion of someone else and this journal blog thing has no place for that kind of shit. So those people can get a grip. I’ll leave tearing the UK’s political parties to bits for someone to do. I will only mention the content of the article and the ideas talked about. I will not mention the opinions quoted in the article.

We’ll see how this goes.

It should be fair that all people of all ages are paid the same minimum wage.  – but raising it to £10 will have a major knock on affect throughout the entire country. If the minimum wage goes up, so does all the other job salaries. I’m using McDonalds as an example because many people believe that this job is pretty bad. The lowest rank of working in McDonalds with minimum wage of £10 an hour while someone in a private company working with steel who has a decade of experience is on £9 just will never see the light of day. If by some chance this was to happen then companies would simply not hire as many people putting more people out of work causing an even bigger problem. Also, as the wages of people raises so will the cost of products from companies to pay their employees as well as other things.

Nothing changes.

The minimum wage is called this because it’s the bare minimum you need to survive. The ‘living wage’ in the UK is just a mask for same thing. It’s just a trick into making people think they are better off when the living wage situation is almost identical and still would not allow you to do any actual ‘living’. It’s nothing but a façade. – And people still wander why they can’t afford to do anything?

It is worth mentioning that many people make financial decisions in the UK way before they understand them or are unwillingly born and (socially) forced into it. The idea of getting your own place as soon as possible will financially cripple you for years on minimum wage and it may never be resolved. The idea of buying your four bedroom house with a garage in a suburb for £250,000 on minimum wage is impossible. You may get something for about seventy grand and you might as well save it and buy it in cash. I read an article a while back saying someone took ten years to save up just the deposit and got refused a mortgage. From a mortgage brokers point of view it would be impossible to pay the house off in the lifetime of that person. It’s not a wise move to make. The bank will lose money so they refused. It’s a shame because it stamps on a lot of peoples dream of owning their own place but you’ve got to be realistic about it no matter how much it makes you feel trapped. For me it’s just fuel for the flames of improvement.

Getting married in the UK does have its slight advantages as two people working together is better than one. Getting a car on minimum wage is not a wise move if there are alternative ways to get to work and back, I see very few people using bikes but in other countries it’s the main method of transport in some cities. A car will generally take up a third of your yearly salary straight away without problems like repairing something, tax, insurance and so on. However it’s understandable that some people do need a mode of transport so this only applies to some people. Going to university is a fantastic idea and education is the way forward. The debt it burdens you with is the same as buying a house with a mortgage, while it’s not as bad it ultimately takes years to pay it back, if you can that is Many of the talented university graduates leave the UK to work somewhere else because jobs in the UK do not pay anything close to salaries abroad. That’s a solid fact but this is never really mentioned in the news. A doctors pay in Dubai makes a doctors pay in the UK look like chump change. Same across multiple industries for almost all jobs. Also the quality of living is higher. Another thing never mentioned in the news. A normal desk job in Tokyo pays about double the UK minimum wage and the cost of living is cheaper to about the same so don’t believe anyone who tells you costs of living abroad are more expensive because it just isn’t if you make the right decisions. Now for the big one that pisses people off. Kids. – Having kids without having a stable and solid background is never a good idea. Having kids on minimum wage or something close to that will make it almost realistically impossible for you be able to do things like buy a house as the children must be looked after first. They are your priority now.

While this entry is coming across as rather negative these are the facts which are completely truthful and unbiased. Please note I have not mentioned the political party in the news article once as that is not the subject. Minimum wage is there to make sure you don’t starve and have somewhere very basic to live. It is possible to build a solid future and stable background with it but only planning and good decision making can make it happen. Mindset is the biggest influencing factor and it reflects all the way up the line to the government. The only way these things can really change is for people to vote for different people. Everyone has the power to change things but they just don’t know how to use it. While in the UK the negative mindset it is actively practiced like that advert that says ‘just to make life that little bit easier’. It should already be easier! The best advice I can give is once you’re out of education, stay at home and work relentlessly for five to ten years on minimum wage if you can’t get any other better paying job and save everything. Or go work abroad. Slave and save. Slave, save, sleep, repeat. It will set you up for life. For those in tight situations, keep your head down, work hard and prioritize what you need over what you want.

Another thing.

Genuinely care about the work that you are doing. It’s not just a job, it’s a fucking adventure. Well maybe not so extreme but you catch my drift.


Kid Massive ft. Elliotte Williams N'Dure – Music Is The Answer (Luca Debonaire Remix)

Illumi Music

I’m sure we are all sick of countless music posts and one can only place their self before you and beg for forgiveness! Ha. Of course being a big fan of future house music and all the sub genres, all the ‘skools’, whatever, good music is good music a big shout out has to be done. I have a lovely new addition to this little collection of mine and it’s definitely worth a check out! So many uplifiting tracks that will get your day bouncing along nicely! You might be sipping a coffee like I am now with that push face foward head bobbing thing going on, you you may be partying it up somewhere on the other side of the planet, you might be in the gym trying not to get too distracted if you know what I mean but whatever you are doing… get the headphones on and start blasting these out!

Illumi Music



RYLLZ – Nemesis

First trap track to get onto this page! Definitely a head nodder.

Hilfilter – Daygame

Laeko – Can't Get Enough

Jordy Wess & Drumhide – Don't Let Me Down

Been listening to this channel for quite some time and it’s worthy of a post! This will make a fine addition to the house posts! Have a good day.

Page 1 of 26

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén