Who goes there, friend or foe?
Alright, so it’s been quite some time since the last entry and much has happened in the last three months. One can only apologise for the massive lack of journaling that’s not been going on here. It’s simply down to the chaotic nature of things that have transpired. Everyday has been different and the extremity has been at both ends of the spectrum. After all that has happened all that is on my mind is taking a break, relaxing, unwinding and chilling out. You know, really taking it easy and thinking about what happens next along this journey. One prominent issue now is the acquisition of a large amount of free time. Wandering what to fill this time up with is difficult. Travelling to China, Thailand and Vietnam seem like a good idea and I’m sure the experience would be fantastic. Trading full time is also rather tempting as focus could be at a hundred per cent and there wouldn’t be an issue with sleeping times but sitting in front of the screens all day while more fun and active things could be done at the moment feels like it’s not a good idea as the weather is great. It’s sure a warm evening and instead of typing away at this it would be better to head somewhere, get some food and maybe even crack open a tinny. Going to the gym and focusing on fitness is definitely on my list of things to do as there is literally years of fitness to catch up on. Weights are great.
Coming to Japan seems to have unsettled some people back ‘home’ for some reason. I can surely guess why but mentioning it may not be a good idea simply to keep the peace.
Actually, who cares after what’s happened let’s tear them up. The experience of Japan has been mixed with some good and some bad things happening, it’s an experience and it has been very educational in all sorts of ways. Like I said, everyday has been different. It’s had moments of joy, fun and happiness and moments of anger, rage and sadness. Only a select handful of people know my exact whereabouts, what I’m up to, why, how and all that. Information about my personal life is kept private for obvious reasons. However and it’s a big however… some people love to gossip, some people love to dig up information about me then twist it, spread it and well… it’s straight up talking behind your back isn’t it. It’s horseshit. For years I’ve known there has been a leak and someone keeps passing along sensitive information about me to some undesirables I really take a strong distaste too. There has been much suspicion but I could never work out who it was until now. These undesirables have caused me tremendous stress and it’s at a point where you could consider it harassment, abuse and if I was a pansy ass, bullying. It’s a real shame not one of them has the balls to talk to me face to face about it. They’d probably get hit. Maybe they are afraid of a confrontation because I’ll tell them how it is, as truthful as it gets and it’s very clear these specific individuals don’t like to hear it. A life of denial caused by negativity and jealously.
That incident last year with some of my financial information getting out was very stressful. You would think that someone in a higher position, someone of respectable managerial qualities, someone who apparently is professional would not openly disclose this information for fucks sake. In some cases this could work in your favour, professionally. If the upper levels of management are positive minded. Anyway this information spread to these specific individuals and they had to nerve to come up to me to ask about it! I’m completely fine with people asking me how and why in a way which they can learn from but these particular people are malicious and deserve nothing but a bust in the mouth. They don’t care for trying to understand or learn only that if it benefits them they will do whatever they can to get their claws into a piece of it. You know, those type that only talk to you when they want something, talk negative about other people behind their back but never talk to you normally. I utterly despise these people. What annoyed me the most about it is how they were all buddy friendly when they found out the more sensitive part of that information. There is only one thing to say to those people. Fuck off. The person that disclosed this information was not a friend so it didn’t really hurt personally but professionally they could never be trusted again. They are long gone.
I wanted to believe that some of my closely trusted friends would never divulge information that was confided in them. You know, trusted stuff, really good friendship level things. Luckily there are little birdies in all sorts of places just as precaution as it kept happening and one of them tipped me off. A favour for a favour. It was only until directly lying to the suspected person about something particularly extra sensitive to see if that was spread it was revealed too me. It took about a week for it to circulate and it came back to me as clear as day. It turns out this person does indeed speak with the specific individuals referred to in the previous paragraph and it’s those that love to spread shit around. Give a monkey a piece of shit and it will be thrown around. It’s safe to say that they are now long gone too. There goes a ‘friend’ of twenty five years. It seems harsh but this has been going on for years. Allot more things make sense now I know it’s them. That’s when the sudden realisation that they only ever contacted me when they have wanted something, never to hang out or just talk. Hell I could even post the chat logs and texts to show it… Also it’s obvious to see that because of this mind set they have and the love to spread information about me the decisions this fuckwit makes are never really thought about. Instant gratification before anything else. It’s difficult to explain but a good phrase is ‘never trust someone who’s TV is bigger than their bookshelf’. That sums that person up nicely. Seems cliché talking about them so I’ll stop; enough tearing for now. Reminds me of that entry entirely dedicated to ripping these people apart last year.It’s like the final filter of bullshit has been placed and things can now move forward.
This could be the first reference in the journal about this. After what happened in Switzerland a few years back my mission once the breakdown and depression had passed was to make sure life was good, filled with happiness, filled with contentment and peace. It must be filled with amazing people and experiences that echo for many years to come. All the negativity, all the fears, all the shit had to go. All the people and all of the things that cause these things must go too. It must be purged from your life. Never give a crap what people think of you unless it’s the people you care about or genuinely care about you. Always stand up for what is right and defend yourself with neutral logic and reason. In the grand scheme of things people will take your side because it’s the right thing to do. Even with all the crap that has happened these last few years they have been the best. Switching your mind set out for a brand new positive one reflects in your daily life on all levels. This journal has helped considerably even though many entries will never see the light of day but perhaps in time. Getting this shit out feels great.
Time for coffee and to turn up the music. What next… hmmmm
Besides chasing up some legal people this week I’ve decided to start back dating my Instagram page with photos from over the years but it’s a task that could potentially never be completed. The sheer quantity of photos taken over however old I am is insane cause I’m old apparently! There is literally hundreds of thousands of photos… it took four days to transfer just the photo album across from the backup drives. It is many terabytes big. Taking photos and videos is awesome. Photography and filming stuff is a big interest of mine but carrying a huge camera around everywhere is not my idea of convenient. GoPro have been my go to choice for many things and that is always in the backpack whenever there is some travelling or sightseeing happening. It’s even ready for day to day shit like taking photos of cats or epic food angles. Phone tech is advancing and cameras are getting very good, it will be super interesting to see how far it can go but of course nothing beats a super high res shot from a big cam. Feel like Prompto from Final Fantasy XV! ‘Woohoo, bath time!’ There is a weird vibe about that character but let’s look at it… he has guns, he travels around shooting shit, he looks like Cloud and he is obviously knobbing Cindy… he has great taste and he knows it *laughs*. I’ve just started playing this properly and while it did not appeal to me at all the game has grown on me considerably. Another win for Squaresoft, enix, whatever they are called in the Final Fantasy department! Think I’ll give it an hour or two later on this evening. Might look at digital cameras again. I really want a cup noodles with the finest and freshest of ingredients. Have you ever picked up some fresh ingredients to mix in with it and then fried the noodles after it’s boiled? Omg, it will make your mind melt! A bit like Cin… Anyway. Only the finest and freshest of ingredients HA! – Boom!
This entry is going to all sorts of different places today but it’s time to cut it short. It’s perfect weather outside and it’s gym time. Bring on the pain! Time to get eight feet massive. What?